Hey world,
It’s been a long long minute since I last wrote a blog post for The Yoni Yurt. As I was rereading the previous posts I have written, I realized that I LOVE to write! How refreshing it feels to say that on this cold, dreary rainy Portland day. I am honoring that feeling of loving to write and it’s as though a bit of sunshine has broken through the clouds and I finally feel the warmth of it’s rays and light.
There is so much I have been wanting to share with you all. Where do I start?
I am feeling I begin with a confession: I haven’t been sharing my full self with you. I’ve been hiding, lurking in the background afraid to fully embody the power of showing up as The Yoni Yurt.
And it’s largely because I feel I don’t belong in the world of pelvic practitioners. It seems there are thousands of yoni, pelvic women practitioners doing business online now. Even 5 years ago when The Yoni Yurt seed was planted, there was half as many practitioners as there are now.
The noise of all the practitioners showing up, sharing their voice has left me feeling “where do I belong”? Who would ever want to hear what I have to say? I’m just another white woman proclaiming “I do women’s work, come book with me! Buy my online course!”
I can tell you those voices I was hearing, the noise: it is suffocating!
I stopped sharing.
I stopped believing that I matter, that the work I do matters. That people who need my kind of energetic healing and support would find me no matter what.
In truth, I let the core wound, the security of being solid in my self. The foundation of what pelvic work actually is: clearing and honoring the root. The center of one’s body, the center of one’s self. The portal to creating life itself.
I was a practitioner suffering in the exact wounds I am trained to help energetically align and heal.
How did I allow myself to exist in my suffering for so long? The answers to this question alone could lead to another blog post itself and may require 2 part series.
The first thing I did was honor that I was suffering and that suffering was my own doing. Consciously I know that I am great at what I do! I’ve worked on thousands of people over the past 15 years of working as massage therapist. I know that my hands are my healing tools.
The second thing I did was write this blog post. To help hold myself accountable to these feelings and then actively honor them through writing and then to share this with the online world.
It also helps that I have found and created such a lovely nurturing community of support from friends and family. A resource page is coming with my community recommendations if you are looking to cultivate support for yourself as well.
The reality is that I still feel very raw and grated by sharing these shame filled emotions of not showing up- it’s vulnerable to put it all out there.
Does this resonate with you? How can I be of witness to this experience for you?
Sometimes we put up walls that we believe will keep us safe, but those walls only end up blocking us. Seek out those walls, and gently tear them down so that your vulnerability can shine through.
~RUMI
Let’s break down the walls and chose to show up authentically always- cause the world needs you as you just as it needs me as me.
With Love,
Erika
Currently working with Bear medicine.